❶ To induce people to say, "Dude, your lamp is broken," so you can then reply "No, dude, it is not."
❷ "it doesn't look like it should work at all … unquestioned uniqueness … might spend as much time drawing stares as it does lighting your space."
❸ "couldn't get more minimalist if it tried."
❹ "generated nearly 20 times its original financial goal during its phenomenally popular Kickstarter campaign."
❺ Magnets for levitation, induction for power transfer.
❻ "the shock, shatter, dust, and water-resistant LED bulb is made from tempered salinite"
❼ "distinctive Edison-style bulb"
❽ "built-in Bluetooth speakers"
❾ "also serves as a wireless charging pad"
❿ "USB-A and USB-C charging ports"
⓫ "expect to survive up to 20 years and shine for more than 50,000 hours."
⓬ "Usually $134, it's now on sale for just $89.99."
Compare this with the regular-strength bullshit that the Gravita’s own manufacturer uses (Regularly $500! On sale for only $134.99!)
So what’s not to like? This ad copy is a reflection of who BoingBoing thinks their readers are:
❶ = is a male who pretends to be a dude bro and wants to give people a reason to say the word dude to him;
❷ = likes cat-toys;
❸ = has nouveau-riche artistic pretensions and doesn’t parse sentences carefully (of course this thing is trying to be minimalist!)
❹ = is very proud of his little startup company that no one has heard of;
❺ = wishes he knew how science really worked;
❻ = has no idea that salinite isn’t a real word;
❼ = Has vaguely heard of "Edison", which is the traditional lightbulb shape, and thus completely non-distinctive;
❽ = likes impractical but seemingly-cool toys;
❾ = has an iPhone;
❿ = maybe the help might have an Android that needs charging;
⓫ = is impressed by warranties that are unlikely to be honoured;
⓬ = has no idea how much anything is really worth, being nouveau riche and all.
Really, Cory’s new blog is too much of a screed against Late-Stage Capitalist Robber Barons, while the remaining Boingers are too microfocused on the microdosing San Jose microculture, so I should just unsubscribe from the two of them.